


why don't you pull me closer?

by benscallum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: F/F, and kinda bad, its soft but angsty, new years related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benscallum/pseuds/benscallum
Summary: and then bex is kissing her, and it’s like her eyes are opening for the first time. her whole body feels as though it’s on fire.louise isn’t certain of much, but she knows for definite that she never wants to stop kissing bex.
Relationships: Bex Fowler/Louise Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	why don't you pull me closer?

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'the middle' by zedd, though it could be from pretty much any song.
> 
> the playlist i refer to is actually a playlist and if i knew how ao3 worked well enough to link it then i absolutely would
> 
> anyway! first fic i'm actually posting! wow! sorry it sucks lmao

“— a few minutes!” louise doesn’t here the start of bex’s sentence, the loud music drowning out her voice, and she’s already rushed off, so lou lets her gaze follow her friend as she weaves through the crowds.

the vic is a lot busier than it usually is on new year’s. louise supposes people are looking forward to a new year, a fresh start, this year especially. after everything that’s happened, she can’t blame them.

bex stops at the bar, leans over and says something to mick, lou can’t make out what it is. he gives her a sympathetic look, a brief one, but louise still catches it. she assumes bex does too.

it’s quickly replaced with a smile, and a nod towards the back room tells louise what she figured.

bex needed a few minutes’ break.

she pushes her way through the crowd, offering apologies to almost everyone, smiling at mick as she passes, and follows bex into the back room.

it’s quieter back here. the music from the front of bar is still there, a little muffled, but louise can definitely make out what the song is.

mick must have thrown on some new year’s party playlist from spotify, because five minutes ago she definitely heard stevie wonder’s ‘superstition’, and now shape of you is playing, a combination lou would never have thought she’d hear.

quietly, louise approaches bex, who’s sitting at the top of the stairs. she’s breathing deeply, in and out, and without realising, lou finds herself following the breathing pattern.

“hey,” she keeps her voice soft, but bex still jumps a little, looking up. she seems to relax, though, when she sees who spoke, a very slight smile appearing.

she shuffles over, and louise takes that as her cue, sits down next to her on the step.

it’s a little cramped, the stairs aren’t exactly the widest (or most comfortable), but it’s good. it’s nice.

“wanted to check up on you,” louise whispers, answering the unasked question of ‘why did you follow me?’

it gets a nod from bex, who seems quite content to sit in the quiet. her breathing has calmed now, and she seems to have visibly relaxed.

the two sit in silence for a few minutes. well, not silence, because mick’s spotify playlist is still blasting downstairs - new rules, now - but neither of them speak.

until louise can’t take it any more.

“i’m here for you. if you, you know, if you need me.” she doesn’t look at bex as she says it, but can feel the other’s gaze on her.

there’s a beat of quiet. and another. then bex says, “why?” voice barely a whisper.

and what kind of question is that?

it’s one that gets louise to turn to her, confusion etched into her face. “what?”

she regrets it, then, because bex tenses, looks away. louise almost doesn’t hear her answer. “after– after october. what happened.”

louise doesn’t know if she can listen to this. she reaches over, takes bex’s hand. “because i love you.”

the statement gets bex to look at her again, and louise can see the tears forming in her eyes. her own are threatening to fall.

“you have been there for me, through everything,” she starts, turning her body so she can face bex a bit better. “through, all the stuff with mum, and sharon, and keanu.”

“you’ve been with me through i don’t know how many breakups,” that gets her a small laugh, and louise feels herself crying. she can’t help it.

“after the fire, you never left my side.” and bex is crying, now, too. louise reaches up, wipes her cheek softly with her thumb.

she doesn’t know how she didn’t see it before. it's bex, of course it is. it always has been. she's always been there to pick up the pieces of lou's broken heart, help put her back together.

“it’s my turn now. i want to be here, how you’ve been there for me. because you deserve it, bex.”

she takes in a shaky breath, smiles, says, “i love you,” and has never meant it more.

and suddenly, bex is kissing her, and it’s like her eyes are opening for the first time. her whole body feels as though it’s on fire.

louise isn’t certain of much, but she knows for definite that she never wants to stop kissing her.

downstairs, the countdown starts.

**ten!**

just as quickly as she leaned in, bex pulls away, touches her fingers to her lips.

**nine!**

**eight!**

“i’m so sorry, i don’t- i don’t even know why i did that.”

**seven!**

**six!**

**five!**

**four!**

louise supposes it’s now or never.

**three!**

**two!**

**one!**

she crashes their lips together once again,the sound of cheers and the fireworks and the music nothing but a muffled noise, drowned out by all the thoughts racing through louise’s mind.

nothing she’s ever done has felt as right as this does.

bex is smiling softly when she pulls away this time, and louise can’t help but return it.

“are you sure?” she asks, voice a whisper once again.

louise nods. “never been more sure of anything. are you?”

the look bex gives her is one that resembles a ‘what do you think?’ reaction, and lou laughs, leans in to kiss her again.

even if last year was rough, this year was already looking to be a good one. louise couldn’t wait.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @bernietaylors


End file.
